Jokes

FaDeS · 11-11-2008, 04:51 AM

SIx Inches

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.

Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

28iGHT · 11-11-2008, 12:23 PM

Lmfao 6feet off the ground haha great!! lool

Tripleeagle · 11-11-2008, 05:42 PM

HAHAHA that is soooooo funny!
Tell my class at school that one tomorrow

FaDeS · 11-11-2008, 10:52 PM

Lol i know

bobbi949949 · 11-11-2008, 10:58 PM

Lol, you can't beat a good joke!

FaDeS · 11-11-2008, 11:02 PM

I'm going to add more; i have some good jokes but they are racist and shit and i'm NOT posting them

fazzyc · 11-14-2008, 06:24 PM

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her Father cussed her.

'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?
Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...'

'Ye what!!? Out of here,ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this
Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........................ (takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and.....'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again,
'Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye
scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give
yer old Dad a hug.'

Tripleeagle · 11-14-2008, 07:05 PM

lol nice one Fazzy

28iGHT · 11-14-2008, 10:04 PM

Lol thats funny!! Damn she must have been working day and night to earn all that lool

kaylum · 11-14-2008, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fazzyc

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her Father cussed her.

'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?
Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...'

'Ye what!!? Out of here,ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this
Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........................ (takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and.....'

'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again,
'Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye
scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give
yer old Dad a hug.'

lol.... good one